Harvey Mackay

 

A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. -Harvey Mackay

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Dream no small dreams, for they have no power to move the hearts of men. -Goethe

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Goals

"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success."~ Stephen A. Brennan

Basketball camp registration for December 29th camp

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"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe." Marilyn vos Savant

"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe." Marilyn vos Savant

What parents want to know

Is my child important?

Will my child be around other good kids?

What kids want to know

Am I important?

Do other people like me?

Will I there be someone for me to like?

Attitude

 

Key questions in attitude

Mine

Others

How do I react to others?

How do others react to me?

How I react to others reaction about my attitude?

How others react to me reacting about their attitude?

Think about someone else

I.Think about someone else.

It is amazing what happens when you think about others first. You get involved in their situation and what they may be going through. It begins to take the focus off what issues you have in your own life.

We are here not just to live a life that is just pleasing to us, but we are also here to help other people through the trials and transitions of life. You will find energy and excitement by helping other people. It could be someone less fortunate or a good friend. Who they are and what they do does not matter. Something about helping someone else is gratifying. It becomes even more special if no one else knows about the good deed. As a young person you are in such transitions, but that is when you dig down and find ways to help others you will be glad you did.

“The greatness of Jesus Christ promised for those who serve is reserved for those who give to give. The folks who give to get are traders, not givers, and they raise a family of traders to follow them” Joe White

We have a young man on our team at Belhaven University that graduated in 2010, John Jibol, who is one of the Lost Boys of Sudan. His story is amazing for what he has had to persevere. At a young age he had to run for his life through the jungle to get to freedom. His dad and a two of his brothers have been killed in the war in his country. In the last couple of years both his mother and another brother have died.

Because of the unrest, John cannot get back home and then get back out of the country quickly. He does all he can to help his family by working a job in the summer and on weekends during the school year so he can send as much money back home as he can. He also has to provide for his own meals and housing while he is a student here. He gets by with basketball scholarship, federal aid and student loans, but it is still tough on him.

John is one of the nicest and most humble persons you will ever meet. It has been good to see how many people have stepped up to help him here around our campus. He is helping his family back home and we have concerned people here that are doing all they can to help him. It is fun to see how much our team cares about John. They would do anything to help him and want him to succeed so badly. Each time John has had a setback his teammates have stepped up and been there for him emotionally.

In the 20 years of coaching John is one of the most caring and team oriented players I have been around. He cares about the other guys first and not for himself. How he stays so positive is a constant encouragement to me. As a coach, I get to see it everyday how much people can think about others and have that joy in their own life. John is one without question the player with the most unique background of any player I have coached. Also, he has come from the toughest background. The special thing is he is also the most sincere and appreciative young athlete I have ever been fortunate to coach. He is always asking about my family and thanking me for the opportunity we are giving him. We should be thanking him for the blessing it is to have him in our program. He sets a great attitude. If our players ever complain I can subtly remind them of how good they have it and if they do not believe me then go talk with John.

He did not set any school records or become an All American, but his impact while here at our school is tremendous. Never before have I had more people ask me off the floor about John and maybe I won’t have any like him again. He is one of the most unassuming people I have been around. The thing about his humility is that he is always willing to help and concerned for others. He is totally there for other people.

This spring John made some of the biggest progress he has made academically and it was one of my biggest thrills in coaching. I have been able to be around great players, great teams and great environments for the game of basketball, but this was one of the most heart-warming moments when he did so well academically and was able to graduate. He has had so much to overcome and he does not complain. The campers that come to our summer and winter basketball camps love to be on one of the teams that John is coaching. The parents love having him around and you can see how contagious his humble spirit can be to a group. He exemplifies the phrases “team player” and “serving others”. I hope that you have some John Jibol’s in your life to be such an example.

Here is an article that appeared in the Jackson Clarion Ledger Sunday October 1, 2006 about John. This was written by one of the best writers in the state of Mississippi and Belhaven alum Orley Hood

It's been almost 17 years since he's seen his mother, John Jibol, 23, says.

He's sitting in the stands at Charles R. Rugg Arena on the Belhaven College campus during a break in basketball practice. But his mind is in Sudan, Africa's largest country, where what's left of his family - those who have not been killed in a genocidal civil war - remains.

He talked to her on the telephone. "Mama," he said, "I want to come home."

"No," she said. "You finish school first." "But Mama, I need to see you." "No. Not now. Stay in school."

When he speaks of his mother, of his father who was killed, of two brothers who died in 1996 in separate skirmishes, a faraway veil slips over his face.

He's a little boy again, running from war, living in refugee camps, taking cover in Ethiopia, returning home for two months, and then racing for his life again, this time to Kenya.

For the young in Africa, sometimes the best that can be hoped for is a narrow escape, through desert and jungle, across rivers teeming with crocodiles, away from civil wars and genocide and hunger and AIDS and malaria. You can't think about tomorrow when it's so hard to hang on to today. When you're running for your life, there's no room for school and basketball to squeeze their way into a boy's dreams.

Tom Kelsey, beginning his second season as Belhaven's basketball coach, looks down to the court and sees No. 55 warming up, getting loose, and he smiles. "He's a gift from God," Kelsey says, without the first hint of hyperbole in his voice.

It was spring 2005. He gets a call from an assistant coach at Mississippi State. You need a player? There's this guy down there ..."We're all set, full," Kelsey told him. Still ..."Then a week later Julie Mabus called about him. He was a refugee from Sudan. She'd seen him at church at St. Andrew's. I watched him work out at the YMCA on Fortification Street." He was 6-feet-6 and as raw as a stalk of celery.

For the Lost Boys of the Sudan, who swam for their lives across the Gila River, working on their low post moves was not a priority. There was, Mabus says, a former Mississippi first lady, 5,000 of them. In 2000, 67 of them came to Jackson.

They'd been caught in a war of attrition, racism, religious intolerance and economics - the Arabs of the North against the blacks, many of them Christian, in the oil-rich South. "The war created an exodus of 20,000 young boys in 1987, as bombs were going off and the Arabs were annihilating villages," Mabus says. The idea was both comforting and chilling: To preserve the boys until they could mature into the South's army of the future.

"Many died along the way" to Ethiopia, she says. "They traveled at night - the North was hunting them in the daytime - in a straight line, and you could hear the lions picking them off at the end of the line. For four years they trained and were educated at a military refugee camp." Then the regime in Ethiopia fell "and the new government came down one night after them.”They've been through so much," Mabus says. "All they want to do is go home and see family." They didn't know who was alive back in Sudan and who had evaporated into the mists of war. They swam across a swollen river, some surviving the crocs, some not.

"They lived in the desert for a month and half," Mabus says. "They had nothing to eat. Finally, the Red Cross found them and took them to Kakuma, on the border of Sudan and Kenya."For nine years they lived in the refugee camp. An English school was set up. The United Nations High Command for Refugees went about the business of finding the Lost Boys home countries, places without genocide, without crocs and lions, places with hope, where boys could be human beings again, where they could have futures.

Where, here, they could go to Bailey Magnet School in Jackson. And where one, John Jibol, could find a spot on Belhaven's basketball roster, where he could be No. 55, not a target for madmen half a world away

"When the boys came in, in the custody of the state, our program provided the services," says Barbara Pigott, director of social services with Catholic Charities in Jackson. "Most all the boys see education as their priority and they worked to support themselves and live in the community.

"Despite the language barriers, they've all excelled. It's just remarkable. They are so appreciative of everything because of where they came from." And because of what they've been through."Miss Julie helped us find tutors," Jibol says. "Catholic Charities have been a big help.

"He's polite, hard working, the favorite of a lot of the guys," Kelsey says. "He works at St. Dominic (hospital, in radiology) on the weekends to make money to send back to his mom. For him to have success would do wonders for his confidence. It's heartwarming." Mabus, seeing their courage, their steadfastness, their humbleness and their lack of bitterness, says, "These boys have changed my life. And Tom thinks John is magic."

But many battles remain.

Blood still runs in the streets of Darfur as the U.N. and western powers struggle with the notion of sending troops into the genocidal maelstrom. John Garanga, the father of the southern independence movement, died in a helicopter accident, putting 2005's peace agreement at risk.

In the meantime, for John Jibol, life is school and work, with basketball in the afternoons and deep dreams of home at night. After graduation 2 1/2 years from now,

"I try to go back and help people back there," he says, and to see the mother he aches for who he's not laid eyes on since he was 6. "I pray to God," he says. "I pray for the people back there."

Acts 20:35
“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Belhaven Motivational Book Chapter 1

Belhaven Motivational Chapter

http://www.scribd.com/doc/37500187

Article for parents about your kids

“Nothing is More Precious than Children” Syndicated Column Tuesday August 26, 1997 by Tony Snow

Here is what I learned on my summer vacation: You don’t go on vacation to relax. You go to reclaim lost priorities. This may not seem such a grand revelation to you, but like lots of dweebs in the journalism business, I often busy myself with being busy. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, and it wasn’t until this month that we took the first bona fide , non working vacation since our honeymoon.

We packed up our three kids and a baby sitter and struck out for Italy. There, we met an old college buddy and his family- also three young kids- and spent a little more than a week touring the countryside, using a marchese’s villa as our headquarters. No doubt this sounds romantic. But think: six kids under the age of 6; three in diapers; one not old enough to crawl. Forget about lingering lunches in scenic cafes or leisurely and museums.

We sprinted though Assisi, did Florence in 120 minutes, explored dozens of hygienic facilities, and quelled occasional eruptions of violence and tears among the kids. My wife and I spent more time in the supermarkato than in the Sistine Chapel. We ate more toasty bruschette than exotic pasta. We got almost no sleep, since the kids were trying to adjust to the change in time, and we never managed to log as many poolside hours as we had hoped.

One more thing: it was great. Ed Feulner of the Heritage Foundation likes to note than in Washington, D.C., where I work, the urgent overwhelms the important. When you work there you labor under the unspoken expectation of caring about even the tiniest seismic events, such as rumors about upcoming subcommittee markups. In our neighborhood, a superdad is a guy who makes it home for dinner ten times a month. I have actually heard people talk about “quality time” so they excuse the ritual of bursting through the front door and performing one last office chore before devoting themselves fully to kith and kin.

You can’t get away with such stunts on vacations. Children become sovereigns and fathers become dads. Youngsters- at least the little ones- clamber into bed and stay with you for the duration. They dictate the pace of touring, the leisure of lunch, the rules of the game you play. What sublime slavery: Few things can match such diversions as frolicking in a pool, listening to the chiming of children’s laughter or picking blueberries beside an unquiet but hidden stream. For two weeks we saw the sights. But we also colored. We played board games. We read stories. We came up with novel meals.

No love compares to that for your children. And for the first time it strikes me just how little we see them during our average working days. When a child comes to the office, people figure the parent is trying to make up for a missed soccer game, the babysitter called in sick, or the spouse left , leaving a note: “ You think it’s easy? Tag. You’re it.”Like most proud parents, my office is a kids’ museum: Here’s a can for pencils; there’s a pot painted by my oldest. The wall features the normal retinue of refrigerator-ready masterworks, and my bookshelves display pictures of one and all.

And yet treasures can’t compare with two weeks unsullied by phone calls or evanescent crises. The things you learn! My son, it turns out, has infinite endurance. My daughter has breathtaking powers of observation. My wife becomes more spectacular and magical with each challenge and day. And the baby has left the drool-and-coo zone. She just crawled for the first time.

My dad once told me: You can never spend too much time with your kids or your wife, and you can never hug them too often. Sage advice. Like many writers, I aspire to immortality. But in this life, there’s only one thing most of us can influence directly, and that’s our families. Subcommittee mark-ups come and go, but the blessing of children comes just once.

So, at the tender age of 42, I finally get it. Next year we’ll take two vacations.

Tony Snow died July 12, 2008 at the age of 53

p.s I have some copies of John Maxwell’s latest book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. If you would like copy send me your name and address and I will mail you a copy. Thanks.

Picking your friends

I. Pick your friend the way you would pick a car.

As you get older you will have more choices in whom your friends are and who you hang around. In elementary school or middle school, you may be friends with children's that live close by or go to the same school or church or play on the same athletic team. When you get older, you can be more selective. You have the ability to be careful and pick who you want to be around and those you do not want to be around.

Whether you like it or not you will be judged by the people you hang around. You say “that’s not fair”. Nobody said life is fair. It’s not fair so get used to it. But I do agree it’s not fair that we judge other people by who they hang around. Unfortunately that is how our world operates. So as long as you understand the rules you know how to play the game. Now pick your friends wisely.

You would not want to put money into something that is unreliable to drive so why pick a friend that you don’t know what you are going to get from day to day? Most adults can tell a story of having a car some point in life that they just hoped would start each time the key was put in the ignition. Once the car started, it was a relief until the next time you had to start the car again. Time after time if it wasn’t the engine it could be something else.

Most of us had a first car that had problems. We would almost beg and pray for the car to make it to Point A to Point B. Then the next day the cycle would start all over again. You knew the car did not have a lot of life left, but you wanted to milk it for everything it had. If you have not had this kind of a car you are missing a real character builder.

Friends are the same way. Pick those friends that are going to be reliable and you know what you are going to get. This is not saying they have to be perfect, just know what you have with their friendship. When you invest in a friendship if it is not reciprocated you may have to move on and develop friendships with other people. You can’t let certain individuals get you down and you can not let them destroy your confidence.

You must also know that there will be times when the relationships with friends will be strained and will be tested. If you are expecting your friends to be available and to be there for you, there is that possibility of getting let down. You know that people are not perfect and it is unfair to expect your friends to be perfect. There is probably going to be conflict and let-downs in the friendship at some point, but that doesn’t mean the friendship had to be over. Be prepared to weather the storm if the friendship has any rocky events you have to get through.

You must remember that your personality can be shaped by whom you hang around. Whether you believe it or not your friends are a match and an insight to who you are. If you don’t like the way you act and look you probably should check to see who your friends are. You have heard since you were little and will continue to hear about choosing good friends. It is one of the keys of being on target with where you want to be in life.

I know if I am around friends of mine that try are positive and care about other people it naturally rubs off onto me. If I am around people who are negative and selfish, that is going to rub off on me. Even as you get older your friends still influence who you are. I have been around enough different schools to see teachers and coaches who are good for each other because of their work ethic and attitude. There are teachers and coaches who really care about the children they get to work with and overlook the little annoyances that are a part of every school. I have also seen the opposite in teachers and coaches who have bad attitudes and look at things through a negative lens and have a poor work ethic.

Who you are around on a constant basis is contagious. Are you the type of friend that is contagious in a positive way or negative way? What do you add to the relationship?

I heard our preacher in Montgomery, Alabama, John Smith use this illustration back in the earlier 90’s and I have used it ever since. It has lost a little of it’s meaning because we don’t use pay phones as much today.

He talked about being a “quarter friend”. When you are down to your last quarter and you have to call someone for help who do you call to come and help you? If it that quarter was all you had and you only could make that one call from the pay phone who would you pick up the phone and call?

Then next thing is to ask yourself if there were people that were your close friends and they were down to their last quarter who would they call? How many of your friends would use their last quarter to make that phone call to you? How many of your friends would think you would be that reliable and that dependable to count on that they would use their last quarter for you?

	“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” Author Unknown

In this book and in my talks I will discuss my cancer. There is part of me that does not like to bring it up since I have lost my mother to cancer in 2009 and brother to cancer in 1984. Their ordeals were much tougher. They had to go through long sessions of chemotherapy and other forms of treatment to try beat the cancer they had. You will hear in this book of my cancer and some of the trials, but I in no way had to endure what my mother and brother did.

I bring up the cancer because of the story of friendship. When I was diagnosed in June of 2000 I had three children and we tried to set the surgery up as quickly as possible. We notified my family and some of our friends in Tuscaloosa where we were living. Since I was coaching at the University of Alabama I knew the word would get out in the coaching fraternity. I wasn’t really excited about making it public knowledge anyway.

We had the surgery on a Tuesday morning and had to stay in the hospital for a few days to recover. Around Friday afternoon I quickly lifted up out of my hospital bed and anxiously said to my wife, “I forgot to call Andy.” Andy Lane was one of my best friends since college and we were roommates for a short time after I graduated while living in Nashville.

Andy was the type of guy that would always be there for you and you could count on him as a “quarter friend.” We had many hilarious stories together. My mom used to get such a kick out of Andy that she would make me tell “Andy Lane stories” whenever I came to visit her in Chattanooga. Especially if she had visitors that made it all the more reason for her to ask me to tell “Andy Lane stories.”

I was embarrassed that I didn’t call Andy about my surgery. I sat there for a minute and thought about what to do next. The story on my cancer had also been in the Nashville paper so Andy had probably seen the news or at least had the information. I felt bad about not telling him first. Still feeling the effects of the pain medication it was hard for me to have the energy to call Andy right then I asked my wife to remind me to contact him the following week.

Fortunately we had a lot of visitors during the week, but we were looking forward to some peace and quiet on this Friday night. That night about 8:00pm there was a knock on our hospital door. In walked Andy Lane. He said was driving home from work and thought “I could go home or turn right and head to the interstate and make the drive to Tuscaloosa” (a 4 hour drive). It did not surprise me one bit when Andy had that decision to make whether to make the left hand turn and go home or make the right hand turn and come see a friend in need. That is the kind of person you want as a friend that they would be in the car and think, “Ok, if I turn right it is a four hour drive, but I need to see…..in the hospital.”

He stayed the night and slept on a cot in the room. He ate the wonderful hospital food and man he really lifted my spirits. The night visiting with Andy was indeed special, but the act of friendship is something I will never forget. The “Andy Lane’s” in the world are few and far between. Andy knows the value of friendship and knows what it means to be there for someone in need. Pick your friends wisely and when you pick make sure to pick an Andy Lane type friend.

“It is wonderful to have friends that last for a lifetime because they have grown up together and have so much in common, Many times, due to different circumstances, these friendships are no longer. It is then time to make new friends that you can share good times with, and trust to be loyal and honest, as well as sincere. Picking the right friends is not easy and it takes a bit of searching to find them.”
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Your-Friends

“You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay? Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”

Jim Rohn

THE TOP 20 EXCUSES FOR NOT GETTING ANYTHING DONE

THE TOP 20 EXCUSES FOR NOT GETTING ANYTHING DONE

If you were to make a list of the top 20 excuses for procrastination, what would it look like?

1. IT’S UNPLEASANT.

No doubt it is. But is it going to become less unpleasant as time goes on?

2. IT’S NOT DUE YET.

Right! So now you have an opportunity instead of a problem. An opportunity to gain some lead time, to do the job the way it ought to be done, to be in control and to work at your own pace instead of being a slave to a clock or a calendar.

3. I WORK BETTER UNDER PRESSURE.

4. MAYBE THE TASK WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF IF I JUST IGNORE IT LONG ENOUGH.

5. IT’S TOO EARLY IN THE DAY.

Some salesmen make frequent use of this one, believing that it’s better not to make calls before prospects have a chance to handle the mail and get their day started. The successful ones, however, recognize this rationalization for what it is: an excuse for indolence.

6. IT’S TOO LATE IN THE DAY.

Successful salesmen know that one of the secrets of success is the extra business they can get by making just one more call every day before quitting, rather than conning themselves into calling only at the “optimum” time.

7. I DON’T HAVE MY PAPERS WITH ME.

(Or my school books, or my glasses, or my tools, whatever). Ask yourself why you don’t have what you need to and what you are going to do to avoid getting caught again without the required materials.

8. IT’S DIFFICULT.

Never let the difficulty of a task stand as an adequate reason for not acting; force yourself to identify precisely what it is to be gained in the long run by delay. In most cases you’ll find you can’t. The harder something is, the greater the challenge and the sweeter the fruits of accomplishment.

9. I DON’T FEEL LIKE DOING IT NOW.

Good. That gives you a wonderful opportunity to prove to yourself that you are not a captive of your moods.

10. I HAVE A HEADACHE.

Like many other reasons, this may be a legitimate reason for delay or it may not.

11. DELAY WON’T MAKE MUCH DIFFERENCE.

This is perhaps the most common rationalization of all and the most erroneous. Delay does make a difference, nearly always. It diminishes the chance that the task will ever get done; it increases the likelihood that it will be done haphazardly; it robes you of the confidence that comes from knowing that you are completely in control; and it reinforces a bad habit that is sure to cause you trouble in connection with other matters.

12. IT MAY BE IMPORTANT, BUT IT ISN’T URGENT.

13. IT MIGHT HURT.

14. I REALLY MEAN TO DO IT BUT I KEEP FORGETTING.

15. IF I PUT IT OFF, SOMEBODY ELSE MIGHT DO IT.

That might get the job done but it won’t do much for your reputation among your friends or family, assuming that you are the logical person to have done the task.

16. IT MIGHT BE EMBARRASSING.

17. I’M TOO TIRED.

Learn to look for the “second wind” that come quite often if you just hang in there for a few minutes longer. Don’t call it quits every time you run into that “first layer of fatigue.”

18. I’M TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW.

A fine, universal, irrefutable, all-purpose rationalization for the would-be procrastinator.

19. I’VE GOT TO TIDY UP FIRST.

20. I NEED TO SLEEP ON IT.

Coach Meyer, Hadley Kelsey and Coach Kelsey

Coach Meyer getting into the Hall of Fame

In my years of being around the game of basketball I have been able to see some amazing moments, games and people, but this past weekend was a very special time.

My college coach, Don Meyer, was awarded the John W. Bunn Lifetime Achievement award by the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. At a dinner the night before the 2010 enshrinement ceremonies he received his highly regarded award.

http://www.nba.com/video/channels/hall_of_fame/2010/08/12/20100812_dinner_meyer.nba/index.html

During the enshrinement ceremonies the following evening they recognized him once again. On a night that Karl Malone, Scottie Pippen, Jerry Buss (owner of the Los Angeles Lakers), the 1992 Dream team, the 1960 Olympic team gold medal team (that featured Jerry Lucas, Oscar Robertson and Jerry West) and others were being honored Coach Meyer was mentioned along with the best of the best.

Anyone that has had the chance to play for Coach Meyer, work with coach, attend his camps or clinics, watch one of his DVD’s is aware of his passion for the game. Also, anyone that has been around coach knows that he belongs to be mentioned with the best of the best. For those of us that were privileged to play for coach we knew we were playing for someone special. Did we know that he would one day be in the Hall of Fame? Maybe we did and maybe we didn’t. What we did know was he was different than any other coach we ever had or would ever have again. There was no denying he was unique. His attention to detail is legendary. His obsession with the game is well known. His thirst for learning never is quenched. His desire to teach is unmatched by anyone else. He had the gift to teach and inspire and he used his gift. Karl Malone said in his own acceptance speech last Friday night while being inducted to the Hall of Fame class of 2010, “It was never about me.” Coach Meyer was the same way as Karl Malone. It was never about him.

Some people are given a gift and never use the gift God has handed them. They go through life complaining about not having this or that when they have the chance to use the gift right where they are. Coach took a job at David Lipscomb College in the 1970’s when it was decent job and turned it into a power. He turned it into something special. There were a lot of things he could have let derail him along his career, but he stayed focused and kept using his talents and gifts.

What a deserving moment for a deserving coach. He served the game and he served other people. He made sure to teach and show people how to serve others. If you weren’t serving the game and weren’t serving others what good were you doing? That seemed to be a motto he instilled into those that were around him for any period of time. He had and has no tolerance for selfishness.

When it as announced he was getting an award into the Hall of Fame I immediately made plans to go. I have a friend and alum that has been very good to our program, Thomas Jackson. I called him right away and told him to reserve the weekend. Once I got him on board I knew I couldn’t go and not take my son, Hadley. I had no idea what to expect of the weekend and never having been to the Hall of Fame we were all excited. So the three of us went and were able to have an incredible weekend and I will tell you about some of the people we were able to meet in another email. I can also show you some pictures, but my son has to show me how to get them onto my computer. I could only get this one of Coach Meyer, Hadley and myself.

It was my calling card during the weekend to tell NBA guys that I was there because of Coach Meyer. The NBA coaches I talked to know of Coach Meyer. Jerry Sloan and Hubie Brown were just a couple of coaches that spoke well of coach and his accomplishments.

Not too often in life do you get to play for a Hall of Fame coach. I consider myself one of the fortunate ones. A thrill for players that played for coach at Hamline, Lipscomb and Northern State to see our coach on such a stage with so many other major contributors to the game of basketball. It was fitting and well deserved to a man that has poured his life into this game and other people.

Coach has used his talent well. He has tried to get every ounce out of what God has given him. Coach gets the key to life. He knows how to pour himself into something. What he can do he does as well as he can. So many people walk through life without utilizing the talent that has been given to them. They fret and worry about what they don’t have. I’m afraid as a society we have become too focused on what we don’t have instead of what we do have. We need to think of ways to get every bit out of what we have to give. You may come across someone in your life that can pour what they have into something by using the talent they have. It may be they do it so well it’s natural. That is the way it supposed to happen. It is not forced or fake. It’s natural and fits like a glove. My prayer is that how we all use the talents God has given us. Don’t look for the things that are not on your plate, but see the great things in life you do have.

The Transition Game of Life #2

2. Work so hard you make an impression, but don’t try to impress.

There is a big difference in making an impression and trying to impress others. People will take notice of how hard you work and how efficient you are without you telling them. As you get older you will understand that people spot a phony a mile a way. It may take time, but the person that is not doing the work usually is exposed. You make an impression on your teachers, parent, coaches and bosses by your effort and production, not by sucking up.

If you try to impress people in your career you will find yourself constantly dissatisfied because you will be climbing the up the wrong ladder. As someone that is a both a boss and employee, I realize that it is a waste of time to try to fool people. You make an impression by the work you produce and nothing more. If you do your job and do what you are told on time you will make the impression you want to make. Talking about the job I am going to do is not the answer. Employers want to see results not just talking about what you are going to get done.

I do not need someone to tell me how hard they work or how hard they are going to work. It will show up in their production. In the summer most of our players have some freedom and they do not have strict workout plan. They can go back home or stay around our campus in order to work. They also can work out daily with our strength and conditioning coach. Each player that does not stay in town is sent home with a workout book. Whether they the workout or not every day I do not really have an accurate way to know. What I do know is that once we start conditioning at the beginning of school the ones that worked will beat the other players out for playing time.

Basketball is a skill sport and it takes time to work on your skill if you want to improve. You have to also hone your skills if you want to get better than your opponent. Most basketball players love to work on shooting. They enjoy getting into the gym and working out if it involves shooting the basketball.

Some of our players come from different economic backgrounds. Each guy does not have the same access to a gym as other guys may have. I have learned over time that it is hard to have a strict rule and expect guys to carry out a specific shooting routine in the summer time. As far as giving our guys a shooting program or shooting routine I know that each guy has a completely different set of circumstances. Some of them have easy access to a gym where they can get in there and have the space to work on their shooting on their own. Some are fortunate just to be able to find an open gym to find a place for a couple of hours. Each guy has a different set of circumstances. I decided long ago that I wasn’t going to enforce something that would then force guys to be dishonest. I had to trust we recruited the right kind of players and they were hungry enough and they would be working on their game throughout the summer. It may be in a gym individually going through a specific shooting routine or it may be in competition against some of the local players. If I have to worry about whether or not they are working on their game in the summer then I have recruited the wrong players.

I have kids tell me all the time how much time they have put in or what they have done to get better. What they tell me makes no difference. When we begin practice and conditioning at the beginning of school we will see who is in shape and who improved over the summer.

Bosses are not interested in showing someone else up on the job or gossiping about employees that are not doing their job so well. When you run the company, you can have the kind of people working for you that can fix problems. Usually you start out with a job at the bottom of the totem pole job. You move up by doing your work as well as you possibly can, not by showing up other people or pulling people down the totem pole.

There will always be people trying to impress the person in charge. You can not worry about those people. The ones that you know are phony eventually everyone else will know the same thing you know. If all they are doing is trying to make an impression they will fall down ultimately. Work hard, be on time, be responsible and do not complain then you will make a great impression.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” Colin Powell

In the coaching profession, there are many young coaches trying to move up the food chain. Each time a young coach asks for advice I tell them the same thing, “Prepare yourself and do not try to position yourself.” Too many young coaches think they can position themselves for the next big job and then once they get there they realize that they are not ready. It may be that way in a lot of professions, but you need to spend the time getting ready for your next job or next promotion by working as hard as you can at the job you have. Do not be the type of person that is always trying to maneuver to the top without paying your dues at the bottom. By going about your career path that way will leave you unprepared when your chance does present itself.

While I was an NCAA Division I assistant coach each July we had a recruiting period that coaches were on the road for over three and half weeks. For most of us, it was a fun time. You traveled all over the country in a t-shirt and shorts and watched kids play basketball all day long.

For colleges and universities that are recruiting at a high level they already know their recruits and the kids they want to sign. It turned out that July was not really recruiting, but we would call it “babysitting.” Coaches want to make you sure they kept in close proximity with their prized recruits.

It is an opportunity for the recruiters to be seen by the recruits at each game. Coaches position themselves so the young men you are recruiting know that you are at their game to watch them play. All the coaches wear t-shirts that have big school logos on the front. You try to position so that you were near the floor or least close enough to be seen by those who mattered in the recruiting battle. You make sure to visit with the player’s coach following the game so he would also know we were in attendance. With today’s rules you are not longer allowed to talk with the coaches at the games.

It was a game within the game to see as many kids as you could, but also to be seen by as many kids as you could. There were a couple of events every summer held in Memphis simultaneously. One coach in particular from a major program used to give some of us a good laugh. He was smaller guy, but he made sure to get a large car from the rental car company, usually a Cadillac. He would go from gym to gym and made sure to time it just right in order that he could see as many players as possible. He would show up after the game was over, but he would pretend that he was at the game the entire time. He would come up after the game shake the coach’s hand and make sure the recruit was close by. “I wouldn’t miss you guys play for anything,” he would say. ”Michael sure looked good out there today. I am going to be at every game you guys play,” he might add. Other coaches knew what a phony the coach was and it was a shame because he was a hard worker. He didn’t have to try to make himself out to look good. Even when I see or hear of the coach today I can’t get the image out of my mind. The funny thing is he has had some success in coaching. Deep down I wonder what he thinks about himself.

Instead of doing his job and doing the best he could, he had to try and make himself look good even to the point of being dishonest. He may have fooled the kid and the coach, but he did not fool himself. He was too busy trying to make a name for himself that in the process he developed a reputation. Instead of just being himself he tried to put on a persona that taught me a valuable lesson. It is important that you be true to yourself and work hard. That makes enough of an impression that others will definitely see in you.

Remember what Abraham Lincoln said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”

Each day think of the impression you are leaving not who you need to impress. If you are good at what you do and you are valuable the people around you will definitely notice. You can let your work and your actions do all the talking. They will speak loud and clear.

“My dad told me when I went into high school, 'It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out.' That's when you've made a lasting impression.”

Jim Thome

Elliott Goldwag Ph. D.

'Some people wait all there lives for the outside to change their inside. But it never seems to happen, because change comes from within us first, then the outside becomes different.' - Elliott Goldwag Ph. D.

Introduction to The Transtion Game of Life for Young Adults

Introduction

Two major questions as we begin this journey:
1. Why write the book?
2. Who am I trying to help?

The answer to the first question can best be described in a talk I had with my son, Hadley. Most of the time when I have asked him, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”Or ‘Where do you want to go to school?” he usually does not give much detail. Most often he does not give up information as I try to get into deep questions.

Finally this time he cracked a little bit and gave me some insight one day as I was sitting on his bed and we were talking. Since he was heading into his senior year of high school I thought this could be a good time to pose the questions about his future again. I asked him what he would like to end up doing one day.

He told me down the road he would like to be a “_______“. (I’ll keep it private just so he won’t get mad at me; the job is legal to easy the fears of my family) I got pumped up when he told me his goal. Immediately I said, “You can do that! Oh, man, no doubt you can do that one day.” I was happy for him and a little bit jealous. There was no question in my mind he could reach his goal if that is what he really wanted in life.

Now I was into this because he was sharing a dream. I immediately started going into my dad mode. I stood up and started to talk rapidly, “Here is what you need to do. You need to start calling these people and starting lining up internships with these people. We can call this person and this person” On and on I went. I think I was more energized than he was.

When he told me his vision I could see a plan. Because it was in the field of athletics I knew what it was going to take. I knew two men personally that had made it that level and I knew how dedicated they were to get there. The neat thing as his dad I knew a blueprint of how to get where he wanted to go.

That is reason number one for the book: to give you hope and excitement for your future.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.” God’s word says it best. My hope is to also give you hope and for a future.

What happens to a lot of us is that we get knocked over by life. Things happen to us and for one reason or another we begin to lose our balance. Some people can get pushed and pushed and pushed and eventually topple over and stay there. On the other hand there are some that get pushed and have the strength to bounce back up once they topple over.

Who is the book for?

All parents
Kids from divorced families or broken homes
Kids with depression
Kids with anxiety
Kids with poor self-esteem
Kids with baggage from their past
Kids that feel ashamed
Kids that have stories about their family that they can’t tell anyone else
Kids that are scared
Kids that are embarrassed
Kids that are loners
Kids that have anger
Kids that feel lost
Kids that have it all going for them because at some point they will face some tough times
Anyone working with kids

Probably the hardest thing to do in writing this book is in putting down on paper why am I qualified to write a book that you should read. The thought has gone around and around my head. Writing out the principles was much easier than trying to explain this part in the opening of the book.

I am going to bare my heart and soul with some of these stories and anecdotes throughout the book. You will be passed on some life lessons and advice as you read from the front all way to the back. I will try to help you keep from stepping on the land mines that are out there in life. Also a goal is to keep you from making the same mistakes I made and your parents may have made down the pathway of life. Experience is not the best teacher. Someone else’s experience is the best teacher. If they made a mistake and can keep you from making the same mistake that is a good teacher.

Being a coach and teacher for over 20 years does give some me knowledge and stories to share with you. Having 5 children and being married for over 20 years I can fill up a book on mistakes I have made as a dad and husband.

Another goal is to help anyone reading this book is to be able to reach as high and far as they can for the dreams and aspirations they have without worrying what others say. Pretty big objective huh? Unfortunately I see a lot of kids that talk about their dreams. What I do see is how we hold ourselves back from reaching our dreams by making some silly mistakes. We sabotage ourselves more than anyone else does to our dreams.

What I want you to think of is a big roll of tape. Imagine taking the tape and taping some part of your body. Maybe it is one of your arms to the side of your body. Maybe it is the tape over your mouth. You might even tape something else to your body. What about some additional weight like they use in the weight room? You wouldn’t want a 15 lb weight or a 25 lb weight attached to your hip. With weight attached to your body or tape around your mouth now go out and see how effective you can be for the next week. You wouldn’t be able to do the things you normally do with the same effectiveness. That is what I see with young people is they have added restrictions or added weight that they don’t need to carry around. They completely limit their ability to reach the goals they have set.
They do this by trying to live in a way to be important or have an identity. So many kids aren’t living with freedom because they have so much baggage from the past. What I would like to do is help people from getting years of therapy, counseling and medication. I am not a doctor and can’t replace a doctor. What I am trying to do is say face problems now and not later. Problems that we have emotionally don’t go away. They have to be dealt with head on. You have to face the problems they will not run away.

I see kids today that aren’t at ease in who they are. I call it “being comfortable in your own skin”. More and more kids are coming to us at the college level not comfortable or confident in just being themselves. They want to be something else because they are not happy with themselves.

Through a series of failures I came to the realization that life is a journey filled with ups and downs. It is not about trying to stay on top, but finding a way to bounce back from some setbacks. It’s hard to find someone out there that has had some success or is experiencing success without going through some sort of failure or failures.

At a very low point in my life there were a couple of situations that occurred. It seemed like my life was like the old commercial “Help, I’ve fallen and can’t get up.” It took me more time to get back off the canvas after being knocked down that than it should have taken. I was up walking around and going about my daily routine on the outside, but I wasn’t the same. Usually getting knocked down was no big deal. I would hang my head for a while then I could eventually get back up off the ground and back in the race. For some reason at the most important time I was not able to accomplish the quick rebound. With a wife and at the time three kids when I needed to be strongest I let them down.

I couldn’t move. I held onto grudges, worried about being done wrong, dwelled about missed opportunities and keep myself mired in a funk that kept me down instead of quickly getting back up off the ground. I was having my own pity party with a steep cover charge. Persistence had always been my middle name. What had I allowed to happen to myself?

Looking back, I failed to implement some of the strategies in this book that could have been such a big help. My wish is to give my own children, my players and people from all walks of life skills and emotional stability to make life a success. Success is not always in the winning, but you will see how you travel the path of life that it comes from striving to reach your potential. Life is a series of games and challenges. It is how you respond. Once you realize you will get beat and get knocked down a lot it can change the complexion. You have to a place to fail. I worked for very wise boss that one time told me in letting an employee go he wanted to, “give this person a safe place to land”. That is an excellent way to put how God treats us. He never wants us to fall on our face. There will be times when we start out racing on our own without following his guidance that we will fall. The fall can be hard, but God will give us a safe place to land.

You will grade success differently than your best friend, your neighbor, your siblings and maybe your parents. I have found success comes when we know how to reach down inside ourselves and find out what is our best and also never giving up even when the scoreboard says give up.

My heart is not for you to look at success the way the world looks at success, but that you find a peace inside and a joy with what you do with your life. Naturally I want to help everyone to reach his or her full potential. I have seen so many people take full advantage of whatever they talents they have been given and unfortunately have also seen those that have not taken advantage of their great opportunities.

As we get started in this journey let me leave you with a quote my father gave me in college. He gave it to me in a plastic sheet protector and it was a poorly copied version. I had the quote with me for the last 25 years. Either in my dorm room, on my desk, in my office or somewhere I could see it on an almost daily basis and remind myself of the main points of persistence.



If I pride myself on anything it would have to be my persistence. I felt like the areas where I found success in my life through my profession or in relationships was in my ability to persist and not give up. That is what brought me to the point of writing this book and putting it down on paper. Some areas and experiences of my life I failed to persist and it cost my family and career dearly. My goal now is to create for myself a situation that I do not have that lack of persistence. Let’s find a way to develop habits that allow you to fall down and also to get back up and go back in the race. This book can be a good starting place for you.

“Good habits formed at youth make all the difference”
Aristotle

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3 things for parents and kids

We had a good turnout for our camp this past week. The kids did a super job of listening and trying to learn.

Our theme this week was what Tom Izzo, from Michigan State, says, "listen to learn, learn to listen."

As we finished up camp yesterday we encouraged the parents and campers with three points to think about as they left our campus. We also wanted them to think about the rest of the summer.

1. " It’s not what you achieve it’s what you become."
The accolades you receive are not as important as the person you become. Just because you don’t achieve the greatest stats or awards it doesn’t affect your character. Focus more on who you are a person on the inside than your status.

2. "Don’t give up, don’t ever give up"
During Coach Jim Valvano’s impassioned speech at the ESPY’s before his death he used this line. Don’t give up on your kids no matter how much they frustrate you and drive you crazy. They have a chance to be molded into something special.

Kids need to do the same thing. Allow you parents to be parents. Don’t give up on them trying to learn to be better parents. They will make mistakes and they most often will try to get better.

3. What You Think of Me is None of My Business.
This is actually the title of a book by Terry Cole Whitaker. No matter how hard we try we can’t please everyone. There is no sense even trying to make everyone in our circle happy. If as a coach I try to make all of our players happy we will not have a very good chance of having a good team. If a teacher tries to make all the students happy then there probably will not be a lot of learning going on in that classroom

If you try to make your kids happy all the time you will not be able to provide them the discipline they need. We know that if our kids try to make all their friends happy and try to please everyone they will end up in a lot of trouble especially if they end up in the wrong crowd. Even being in the good crowd can give them problems because it would be impossible to keep all those friends happy. What others think of you is none of your business. You have to be happy in your own skin and realize God made you in a special way for a special purpose.

What I want ask of my team each year

I want my teams to have these qualities each year. When you watch our teams I want you to think these things about our squad.

Teamwork
Dependable
Resilient
Consistent
Honest
Loyal
Encouraging

John Homer Miller

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."

John Homer Miller

Good Things Come to Those Who Ask by Jack Canfield

 

Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!

Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.

They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely, though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!

Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?

Consider this:  Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?

Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.

How to Ask for What You Want

There’s a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:

1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a “yes.”

2. Assume you can. Don’t start with the assumption that you can’t get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don’t ever assume against yourself.

3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to get... Who is authorized to make a decision about... What would have to happen for me to get...

4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, “Who wants more money in their life?” I’ll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, “Is that enough for you?” “No? Well, how would I know how much you want? How would anybody know?”

You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.

5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.

Whenever we’re asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say “no.” They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It’s no reflection on you.

Just get used to the idea that there’s going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says “No”— you say “NEXT!” Why?

Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say “yes”...

…on a different day
…when they are in a better mood
…when you have new data to present
…after you’ve proven your commitment to them
…when circumstances have changed
…when you’ve learned how to close better
…when you’ve established better rapport
…when they trust you more
…when you have paid your dues
…when the economy is better
…and so on.

Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation. (can you relate?)

Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.

Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.

Remember, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE… if you dare to ask!

I'll be back in two weeks with another edition of Success Strategies. Until then, see how you can discover ways to immediately implement what you learned from today's message!

© 2010 The Canfield Training Group
All Rights Reserved.

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Are you "stuck" in this area?
If you need to change your behaviors, create new self-talk, and develop a plan to get what you want from life, I'm happy to help you move beyond your barriers at my powerful Breakthrough to Success program being held this August in Scottsdale.

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Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

In honor of my wife one of her hero’s quoted here

"If you're climbing the ladder of life, you go rung by rung, one step at a time. Don't look too far up, set your goals high but take one step at a time. Sometimes you don't think you're progressing until you step back and see how high you've really gone."

Donny Osmond

From Coach Wilkerson’s Tips from the Hoop

"We must have discipline in our own life before we can bring discipline to those we lead."

He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame,

but whoever heeds correction is honored. Proverbs 13:18

Encountering Greatness

 

“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”

Coach John Wooden (1910-2010)

Spending time with Coach John Wooden

My college coach, Don Meyer, said if in your lifetime you had one person that expected greatness out of you should be thankful. Most people can live their whole lives and never get pushed or driven to the point of their maximum potential. People can live without ever having someone expecting greatness out of them.

In addition to being pushed by towards greatness by someone there is the chance of being around greatness or someone that would be consider to be outstanding. Some people never get to encounter people that are at the top in their chose field. I have spent a lot of my coaching and teaching career seeking out people that are exceptional in their chosen profession. I ask a lot of questions and some people give me a hard time for being so inquisitive, but that is my nature. It must be in the genes because a couple of my own children seem to have the same trait. It has been that way for me been since I was a little kid. Something about me wants to know what makes people tick and especially those that are successful. I try to pass it on to my children and players the lessons I have learned from others. Hopefully one golden nugget can help them on their path of life.

In 1990 I was able to be an assistant coach for Athletes in Action (AIA) basketball team that traveled to Poland and Greece. Mark Gottfried was the head coach of that team. Mark was at that time was the graduate assistant coach at UCLA. We developed a close relationship and our families also became close. Being part of the UCLA family Mark was also beginning to get to know Coach John Wooden fairly well.

John Wooden is the leader in the coaching profession. Being two degrees from him made me feel close to him nonetheless.

Mark would tell me stories about how he and the staff at UCLA would meet with Coach Wooden periodically. He also talked of how he was able to spend some one on one time with Coach Wooden. To me that was not something I could wrap my brain around. Coach Wooden was an icon to all basketball coaches and probably you could say to coaches of all sports in general.

To be that close to Coach Wooden I thought must have been the ultimate in coaching. Mark and I stayed in fairly close contact and one day Mark asked me the date of my birthday. I knew we were close, but guy friends just usually aren’t into sharing birthday gifts. (December 21^st for anyone interested). Around the first of December I received a long envelope with Mark’s return address. I’m glad I didn’t just rip into the envelope. Once I opened it up it was an autographed copy of the “Pyramid of Success” by Coach John Wooden. It was like I held the copy in my hand and for a minute couldn’t breathe. I thought how awesome a gift. It was the best birthday gift I had ever received. I couldn’t really tell anyone that because I didn’t want to offend my mother or my wife. I can remember when I opened the package and just sitting there for a few minutes and staring at the autographed Pyramid by Coach Wooden. It was not just any autograph and it was not just any copy of the Pyramid of Success. It was the real deal and signed by the Coach himself. This was something that I could tell was going to a treasure for quite some time. Still have it on my wall in my office and hope if stays there for a long time. It is a cherished possession.

Years later I was an assistant for Mark at Murray State University and at then at the University of Alabama. I had always wanted to go and see Coach Wooden and meet him personally. Mark had said maybe sometime when we were out in California there recruiting we could make it happen. Some trips had come and gone to Los Angeles without seeing Coach Wooden. I never pushed Mark about going to see Coach Wooden and I’m not sure why. For some reason I guess I thought if it was meant to be it would all work out.

We were recruiting a young man from Southern California in the spring of 1999. As we made travel plans to go out for our home visit Mark came into my office a couple of days before the trip and said, “If you can get us into Los Angeles early enough in the day maybe we can go see Coach Wooden before the home visit.”

That’s all I needed to here. Get us there early enough? I would have had us walking there. We had one other stop before we headed to Los Angeles. I had us on the latest flight into Dallas the night before and getting up for the first flight out the next morning for LA. Mark was surprised this was the best way for us to get to LA. When we were getting up the next morning with only a few hours of sleep Mark, asked, “Is the best flights we could get to LA?” It was selective hearing on my part of course. I didn’t say it was the best way I just said was the way we were getting to LA.

When he said get there early to see Coach Wooden that was all I needed to hear. Sleep could come later. Once we landed and got the rental car and drove near Coach Wooden’s condominium I was bugging Mark to call almost with the anxiety of a 7^th grader. We called once around 7:45am and no answer. Coach Wooden goes to eat breakfast usually at the same place every day at the same time I learned later. There we were in early from our flight. Mark is tired and I’m anxious. “Call, call, call”, I ‘m telling Mark. It is like two kids in junior high. Mark does not want to keep leaving messages so we wait and wait and wait.

Finally around 9:00am we get in touch with Coach Wooden and head to his home. If you have read any stories about his home they are true. At the time I had no idea what to expect. What do you expect when you go into the house of a living legend? We walked down the hall toward his condominium and then knocked on the door. There he was. He answered the door alone without the help of anyone else. No maid or butler. Just Coach Wooden, the greatest coach possible of all time at the door for Mark and myself.

Whatever your chosen field or profession and you get to meet the top person in that field imagine how you would go into that meeting. Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Billy Graham, any top politician, any top leader in the entertainment field. John Wooden was named by ESPN as the greatest coach of century (1900-1999). As a coach he holds a record that many will feel will not be broken in men’s college basketball. (88 consecutive victories and 10 national championships in 12 years are among the few records that will stay for a long time).

One of the first things I saw once I stepped in the front door was a basketball from one of Coach Meyer’s Lipscomb University basketball camps. Right there was a gold and purple basketball that had the Bison logo and had the phrase “Team Attitude” on the book shelf. Seeing your alma mater’s camp basketball as one of the first thing you see when you walk in made me feel at home right away. Walking along the hallways you would see a National Championship team photo and then a picture drawn by one of his great grandchildren. You might see a cover photo of Coach Wooden from a Time magazine or Sports Illustrated and then another art project from one of his grandchildren. You had the feel like you were in the house of your grandparents or someone’s grandparents. It never had the feel of someone that was once name the ESPN Greatest Coach or Sports Illustrated Man of the Year.

I looked around all the pictures like most people in that situation would be. Amazed by famous players and teams you have read about and seen on highlights down through the years. Once we sat down in his living room there was large stack of books on the coffee table that were manuscripts from him to hopefully read and even more to endorse. His living room was like a giant library. There were so many books on the shelves and things to read in that small room.

From 9am to 12 noon we sat there and talked about a variety of subjects. Most of the issues were basketball related. We talked and talked and when it slowed down I would ask more questions. Mark was gracefully enough to let me ask a lot of question and more questions and even more questions. You can imagine growing up watching someone that you probably never would have imagined sitting in their living room having a casual conversation. I remember the Notre Dame loss when there streak was broken. I remember the North Carolina State National Semifinal double overtime loss in 1974. I remember him winning his last game vs. Kentucky in 1975. You are sitting with a national hero and you are also in the presence of one of the most God-fearing humble men I have ever met. Still to this day I have a hard time at comprehending all his patience and wisdom.

The one question I recall more that all the others is when I asked Coach Wooden, “What makes a good teacher?” You have to understand Coach Wooden considered that coaching was really teaching. A “teacher” is what he considered himself. He started out as an English teacher (taught 5 classes, as well as was the football coach, basketball coach, baseball coach and track coach) as his first job once he graduated from Purdue. I knew not to ask him what makes a good coach, but by asking what makes a good teacher he might light up and give a more detailed answer. I was sitting to his right on a couch. Mark was more directly in front of him He sat there in what was probably his main chair. While we there as a group it was an almost unreal situation. To coaches it would be like sitting in the Oval Office. You have heard this giant of man so many times and read his books it is hard to imagine you are sitting there with him. Despite all the records and distinguished awards he never had an air of arrogance about him. It was just like sitting in the house of a long lost relative who acts as if he has all the time for you and would sit all day long to visit. He sounded in real life just like he did in the interviews I had seen on TV or had listened to on cassette, cd.

Once I asked the question he didn’t hesitate a second. He grabbed the right arm rest of the chair he was sitting in leaned closer to me and almost in a voice that was not as loud as his real voice, but louder than a whisper said, “a good listener”. You have those moments in time when you ask an older person a question and they have a answer that gives you no chance for a comeback or response. We are given those nuggets of wisdom and at that point there is not a follow up question. I think I hoped Mark would just say something so they silence would be so loud. When he said that there was nothing I could say. I just had to think about the answer and sit on the couch. It was hard to think of a follow up.

When you have three hours with someone famous or considered great you also want to make sure you ask the right questions. I had to make sure not to say the wrong things or step on any toes. He didn’t need me there to tell him how great he was, but I did want to ask some questions about building a program. I read so much about the man I wanted to get some behind the story information. Over all I came out unscathed and didn’t offend him or embarrass Mark.

Over and over I have replayed my question about “what makes a good teacher?” and his reply constantly in my mind. I didn’t go in with a preset list of questions. The question just came up, but to me it was the most important question on what I could take from him. It took me a while to understand what he meant. I have thought about my question and not being able to have a follow up and glad I didn’t follow up because I would have looked probably silly with whatever I said.

“What makes a good teacher?” I thought was going to bring a deep answer. The response I got was deeper and more difficult to carry out: “a good listener.” People ask about recruiting and how difficult is it in dealing with young student-athletes. My response is if you ask enough questions you will find out what you need to know. Kids will eventually let you know what you need to know. They can play it cool for a while, but they will let you in and give you a couple of key points if you are a good listener. It can save you a lot of time. A kid that is not interested in your program is not worth spending a lot of your time and energy. A kid that has serious interest you will be able to pick up by listening to what they have to say and probably by the questions they ask. If you listen long enough you will find out everything you need to know.

As a parent it can be difficult to get your kids to talk at times. A lot of parents will agree that your kids will want to talk at the most inopportune moments (maybe good for them and bad for you). You have to make time for them. If they don’t open much you have to take whatever chances you can to visit with them whether it fits into your schedule or not. What will your kids say about you as a parent one day? You can fail in some areas, but if you fail in the area of listening I think that is a big one that they remember. As a parent you may not be able to provide everything your kid wants (or needs), but most of us can be good listeners. I think Coach Wooden would say, “A good parent is a good listener.”

As a mate you don’t always feel like talking. Your better half may feel like talking when you are “talked out”. You come home at the end of the day and you are worn out. There are no more words in the tank. That is exactly the time you have to make the time to be a good listener. Maybe a stressful situation at work or with extended family keeps us from being engaged when we get home. The tougher the time the more important it is to make time to be a good listener. I think Coach Wooden would say, “A good husband or wife is a good listener.”

When you have a friend that has just been given the pink slip and is now out of work is when you have to carve out time to make the call, send the text message or email. It is not the time to bury yourself in your cocoon and worry about your own problems. A friend is there to listen to what others have to say. The phone call you get out of the blue from a friend that tells you they are going through a divorce or some other type of family difficulty is calling you for a reason. They picked your number for a reason. You answered for a reason. However they contacted or found you, reached out to you for help is for a reason. They need you because they know you will hear what they have to say. That is when your skills as a listening friend are beyond value. You mean more to that friend that you will ever know. Once you end up on the dialing end of the phone call you will understand. A friend that will listen to another friends problems is more valuable than gold. A friend that calls you because their wife or husband as asked for a divorce called you for a reason. Coach Wooden would say, “A good friend is a good listener.”

I think back to my days as high school teacher and I realize how much more effective I could have been had I been a better listener. There are keys to listening. Understanding the kids you are teaching is so important these days. I sometimes would just want to storm through assignments or lessons plans to get them checked off a list that I never really engaged with the students to listen to them and get a feel if they were tuned in or not. What a mistake to miss out on being taught and being able to teach better by becoming better in the area of listening. There were so many hurting kids in my classes that I didn’t take time to listen and see where I could help.

As a coach we are entrusted with young men from a variety of different backgrounds. Each player comes to us with a vision of how their future is going to look. They have special plans. Their roles will each be unique and how we tailor them to fit our team will determine how successful we can be ultimately as a team. It does not matter how diverse our squad makeup is in a particular season. I know that my job as a head coach comes down to how well I relate with our players. Talent can win a lot of games, but I think over time how well a coach relates to his players is the most important thing in coaching. Now some players won’t let you in initially. You have to earn their trust and trust takes time. Every team is different. I have learned in my over 20 years of coaching that it is the relationships that matter over all the X’s and O's. Relationships are what is the most important thing and will carry our team. If I can’t relate to my team our chance to be successful is greatly diminished.

If I want to be a good teacher/coach like Coach Wooden talked about I have to be a good listener. Listening can be hard at times, but it is not painful. It does not require a lot of work or extreme amount of hard labor. What is does require is for someone to get out of their comfort zone. I am always looking for ways to get better. Whether reading books, watching tapes, going to clinics or whatever other area can help me become better at what I do as a coach. When I think back to my time with Coach Wooden he gave me the best advice anyone could have given me. It is advice I give others all the time. For some reason hearing it from the Greatest Coach of all time had a little bit extra zing to the message.

I challenge you to be a great listener. If you have never taken the time to read one of Coach Wooden’s books or a book about him take the time to read about ageless wisdom. It has been said. He had more books written about him after the age of 90 than any other person.

“To be a great teacher you have to be a great listener”

Coach John Wooden

Here are a couple of other quotes from the Coach Wooden that you can share with your family, friends or team:

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

“If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes.”

“You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.”

” Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.”  

“Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.” 

“Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts.”  

“There are many things that are essential to arriving at true peace of mind, and one of the most important is faith, which cannot be acquired without prayer.”  

“You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.”  

“Sports do not build character. They reveal it.”

“I always tried to make clear that basketball is not the ultimate. It is of small importance in comparison to the total life we live. There is only one kind of life that truly wins, and that is the one that places faith in the hands of the Savior. Until that is done, we are on an aimless course that runs in circles and goes nowhere.”

Rick Reilly: Wooden set the bar high - ESPN

 

Rick Reilly: Wooden set the bar high - ESPN

"Pareto Principle"80/20 Rule

The 80/20 Rule is one of the most helpful of all concepts of time and life management. It is also called the "Pareto Principle" after its founder, the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who first wrote about it in 1895. Pareto noticed that people in his society seemed to divide naturally into what he called the "vital few", the top 20 percent in terms of money and influence, and the "trivial many", the bottom 80 percent.

He later discovered that virtually all economic activity was subject to this principle as well. For example, this principle says that 20 percent of your activities will account for 80 percent of your results, 20 percent of your customers will account for 80 percent of your sales, 20 percent of your products or services will account for 80 percent of your profits, 20 percent of your tasks will account for 80 percent of the value of what you do, and so on. This means that if you have a list of ten items to do, two of those items will turn out to be worth five or ten times or more than the other eight items put together.

Number of Tasks versus Importance of Tasks
Here is an interesting discovery. Each of the ten tasks may take the same amount of time to accomplish. But one or two of those tasks will contribute five or ten times the value of any of the others.

Often, one item on a list of ten tasks that you have to do can be worth more than all the other nine items put together. This task is invariably the frog that you should eat first.Focus on Activities, Not Accomplishments

The most valuable tasks you can do each day are often the hardest and most complex. But the payoff and rewards for completing these tasks efficiently can be tremendous. For this reason, you must adamantly refuse to work on tasks in the bottom 80 percent while you still have tasks in the top 20 percent left to be done.

Before you begin work, always ask yourself, "Is this task in the top 20 percent of my activities or in the bottom 80 percent?"

The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you will be naturally motivated to continue. A part of your mind loves to be busy working on significant tasks that can really make a difference. Your job is to feed this part of your mind continually.Motivate Yourself
Just thinking about starting and finishing an important task motivates you and helps you to overcome procrastination. Time management is really life management, personal management. It is really taking control of the sequence of events. Time management is having control over what you do next. And you are always free to choose the task that you will do next. Your ability to choose between the important and the unimportant is the key determinant of your success in life and work.

Effective, productive people discipline themselves to start on the most important task that is before them. They force themselves to eat that frog, whatever it is. As a result, they accomplish vastly more than the average person and are much happier as a result. This should be your way of working as well.

Inside Tomlin's style: Humility, words matter for Steelers coach

By Jarrett Bell, USA TODAY

TAMPA — Iron sharpens iron.

That's shop talk, courtesy of Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin, who has stretched much mileage from a few choice words on his rapid ascent up the coaching ladder.

"I've probably heard that one at least 150 times — this year," Steelers defensive end Brett Keisel says. "It's kind of monotonous, but we get the point."

There is serious brainwashing at work. Like advertising executives on Madison Avenue whose memorable jingles are hammered home on a campaign, Tomlin embraces verbal repetition. A wide swath of material is fair game. He quotes from books, movies and even Robert Frost poems. He sprinkles in pop-culture buzzwords and clichés alike when speaking in team meetings and on the practice field.

More grounded, more humble, more selfless makes us more opportunistic.

Steelers players have heard that mantra throughout the postseason, and some might utter it reflexively, summoned from their unconscious mind as if they were oversized parrots. It can be like whistling a song suddenly stuck on the brain.

"You'll catch yourself, like, 'Why did I just say that?' " quarterback Ben Roethlisberger says.

The man has options.

"If he were not a football coach," defensive tackle Chris Hoke says, "he'd be a shrink."

Tomlin, 36, isn't sure what he'd do for a living if a whistle weren't dangling from his neck. In lieu of psychology, he knows exactly what he is at the moment: In his second year at the helm, he is the youngest coach to guide a team to the Super Bowl.

It seems fitting that Tomlin — a married father of three who played receiver at William and Mary — can make history at Raymond James Stadium. He got his first NFL job in 2001 on Tony Dungy's staff as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive backs coach.

Yet this isn't a sentimental journey, even though his wife, Kiya, with a circle of friends in the area, came to town two days before the Steelers arrived Monday.

"I'm not one," Tomlin says, "that buys into the notion that it's destiny."

It also is compelling that former Steelers assistants Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm — who also were in the running to succeed Bill Cowher as Steelers coach in 2007 — will be on the opposite sideline Sunday.

Tomlin downplays this juicy subplot, although he acknowledges that Whisenhunt has insight on how the Steelers were built and the subtleties of their players.

"This game," Tomlin says, "is going to be decided by those who play it on the field."

Favorite phrases

The time's coming when we're going to have to ante up and kick in like men.

That's a memorable line from Glory, the 1989 film about an all-black Civil War infantry. That Glory ranks among Tomlin's favorites — he estimates that he has seen it 25 times — flows with his appreciation for history and other forms of non-fiction.

A favorite book is the best-seller Flags of Our Fathers by James Bradley, the son of one of the World War II soldiers who raised the U.S. flag at Iwo Jima.

"Now I don't try to draw parallels between military combat and football," Tomlin says. "But it was an awesome learning experience from a leadership standpoint."

Tomlin also loves a good biography. "I'm not a fiction reader by any stretch," he said. "I read for information."

And insightful catchphrases.

It's a 5-Star Game, because we're in it.

Tomlin began to incorporate verbal bouquets into his coaching philosophy four jobs ago, when he coached defensive backs at Arkansas State in 1998. He felt he needed to find a way to get his coaching points to resonate with players.

"People aren't very good listeners, by nature," he says. "Part of being a good communicator is recognizing and understanding that and trying to make the complex simple. I try to capture a concept, an idea or a moment in a few words. If they remember it, job done."

I'll tolerate you until I can replace you.

Jermaine Phillips remembers this one. Phillips, a Buccaneers safety, was one of Tomlin's first NFL pupils. Earlier this week, it was the first Tomlin quote that popped into Phillips' mind when asked about his former position coach.

"It's simple, but it has so much meaning," Phillips said. "It's the essence of the NFL."

The Steelers got a whiff of Tomlin's straight talk from Day One. In his first team meeting as coach, he addressed Grimm, telling players he understood the former assistant had popular locker room support to land the job.

At the same time, Tomlin established himself as the new boss — with methods that did not exactly endear him to his players.

Last season, Tomlin had his team practicing in pads in December. When the Steelers folded with a playoff-opening loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars, some pointed to the physical demands down the stretch as draining.

This season, Tomlin backed off on the padded practices late in the season and has helped some veterans, including Hines Ward and Troy Polamalu, stay fresh with off days from Wednesday practices.

He slacked only so much.

In training camp, Tomlin put Casey Hampton on the physically unable to perform list until the overweight defensive tackle got in shape.

After rookie wide receiver Limas Sweed dropped a sure touchdown pass in the AFC title game, then flopped to the turf with a bruised ego — costing the team a timeout as he lay on the turf until trainers arrived — Tomlin instantly chastised him on the sideline.

Willie Parker, the running back who battled through injuries this season, drew Tomlin's public wrath after criticizing running back strategies.

"Every morning when I come to work," Tomlin said at a mid-December news conference, "I walk past five Lombardis, not five rushing titles."

Ward says it was immediately obvious that a confident Tomlin was intent on being his own man. Never mind that several of Cowher's assistants, including defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau, remained under Tomlin.

Says linebacker Larry Foote: "He ruffled a lot of feathers. He still does. But he doesn't blink. That's his way."

Tomlin also couldn't care less about glowing praises from his players. He snapped during a recent news conference, when a reporter brought up as much.

"I'm not interested in evaluating my performance, and particularly I'm not interested in my players' evaluations of my performance," Tomlin said. "I'm paid to evaluate them. How's your editor?"

Newport News roots

Tomlin grew up in Newport News, Va., where he attended Denbigh High School. He and his brother were raised for several years by a divorced mother, Julia, who married Leslie Copeland, a stepfather Tomlin refers to as "an all-pro dad."

In Tomlin's office at Steelers headquarters, there's an aerial photo of downtown Newport News, which reminds him of the place where his mother, grandfather and uncles all retired from the shipyards.

"I used to pick my mom up from work," Tomlin recalled. "I'd watch everybody spill out of those gates, trying to get on those buses and get out of there. It's a very blue-collar town. But being from there, you have a great amount of pride in it. We are hardened when we come from there."

Perhaps that's why Tomlin has been such a good fit in Pittsburgh, with its deep blue-collar roots.

Yet Tomlin, who accents his coaching attire with designer shades and keeps his thin sideburns trimmed, is considered extremely cool for an NFL coach.

Foote says, "He drives an Escalade, but I can see him in a Lamborghini or Bentley."

Tomlin is not too cool, though, for Kiya's honey-do list.

"Are you kidding?" he says. "She says she can always tell when it's a big game, because I'll forget to put the trash out on Tuesday morning, on the way to work. … She'll leave me a message: 'Must be a big game. The trash is by the garage instead of on the street corner.' "

Steelers president Art Rooney alludes to Tomlin's "presence" as a swing factor during the interview process. But this was not without impressive substance. Tomlin, hired after one season as Minnesota Vikings defensive coordinator, brought a half-dozen binders to his Steelers interviews.

They were filled with detailed plans for how he would handle a role with a franchise that had two coaches — Chuck Noll and Cowher — in the previous 38 years.

The first binder outlined core beliefs and philosophies.

Another dealt with training camp.

Another addressed news media relations, the training room and travel.

A plan that covered essentials for the chance of making the Super Bowl?

"When we made the Super Bowl," Tomlin asserted.

Yes, there's a binder for that.

"I don't know if we got to that in the interview, though," Tomlin recalls. "I had a lot of things that we didn't get to."

That binder might fetch a good price on eBay.

"It's not for sale," Tomlin shot back. "I've got to compete."